nicer in japanese

I’m nicer when I speak Japanese.

It hadn’t crossed my mind until a bilingual acquaintance heard me speak in Japanese to another group for the first time. When I met this person earlier that day, I was my usual self: goofy, inquisitive, laid back, often cracking bad jokes. After they heard in nihongo mode, they reacted as though I changed my outfit to a completely different style, suddenly became left handed, and was possessed by a customer service professional.

When I shifted into this foreign language, I was exceedingly polite; I was more aware of the social dynamics and my relationship with these people. I was so polite that this exchange felt almost like a charade. Is this the authentic keigo give-and-take with someone you’ve just met, or is what it feels like when you are lacking in experience or ability when speaking another language?

Maybe it’s not all a facade. After all, it’s not like we instantly open up to others when speaking our native tongue. I shudder to recollect the number of hey-how-are-yous and haha-no-way-thats-crazys that spilled out of my mouth before I could realize it. We’re all acting until we’re comfortable expressing ourselves.

There are obvious explanations behind the glaring difference in my English and Japanese personalities. I’ve got a multi-decade head start on self-expression in English. I inhale English text whenever I use my devices or speak with friends or listen to a podcast. My own culture doesn’t reinforce social barriers in its language. I’ve had thousands and thousands of interactions with all kinds of people. My entire lived experience has been in one language.

It’s fascinating to observe the development of a second personality within oneself. Yes, I have a bit of a script in both languages when meeting people, but what might this new character look like once he has the lexicon to freely communicate his thoughts and feelings in Japanese?

I’m comfortable enough in Japanese to the point where I can see the two personalities begin to mix. I think my English-speaking personality is surprisingly becoming more courteous, and the Japanese-speaking fellow has been influenced by his 4-going-on-34 year old doppelganger. I finally feel as though my humor and true character are starting to bleed into conversations in my second language.

There was a glaring contrast in my “ok, we’re buddies now” English and my “hello, it is very nice to meet you” Japanese transactions, but looking at the more informal and intimate conversations, the lines begin to blur as I advance on the deceptively long climb toward “fluency”.